Men Vs. Women

What is the difference between men and women?

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night....
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

Good Jokes

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
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It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women
and then he turns them into Wives.
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If u r married please ignore this msg,
for everyone else: Happy Independence Day
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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you
say.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
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There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking.
It's called marriage.
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Girlfriends r like chocolates,
taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like leftovers, eaten when there's no choice.
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Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
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There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he
would
go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
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Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other
ensures you
continue to do so for the rest of your life!
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Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

SARDAR DETECTIVE

A policeman was testing 3 Singh brothers who were training to become
detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first Singh a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. 'This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?'

The first Singh answers, 'That's
easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!' The policeman
says, 'Well...uh.. .that's because the picture I showed is his side profile.'

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for
5 seconds at the second Singh and asks him, 'This is your suspect, how
would
you recognize him?'

The second Singh smiles and says, 'Ha! He'd be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!' The policeman angrily responds,

'What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are
showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer
you can come up with?'

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third Singh
and in a very testy voice asks, 'This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him?

He quickly adds, 'Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.' The Singh
looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, 'The suspect wears
contact lenses.' The policeman is surprised and speechless because he
really

doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. 'Well, that's an
interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and
I'll get back to you on that.' He leaves the room and goes to his office,

checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming
smile on his face.

'Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation? '

'That's easy,' the Singh replied. 'He can't wear regular glasses because he
only has one eye and one ear.'

Laughs

Mens never satisfied........

Doctor >> Joke

DOCTOR

To address an emergency call a doctor came to see a rich patient at his home, who was screaming with extreme stomach pain and was surrounded by many anxious relatives. Doctor kicked all the relatives out of the room, closed the door with patient and he inside.

After a while he came out and asked, "Please give me a scissors." People gave him a stainless steel scissors. He again went inside, closed door and came back soon. He said, "Please give me a hammer." He got one. He repeated the routine of going inside, closing door and then coming back again for a new tool a few times.

He came outside one more time and asked, "Please give me a screw driver." With every of his requests for surgical tools the tension amongst the relatives was mounting high. The oldest son could not hold himself, broke down and lost his patience.

In a crying voice he pleaded, "Doctor please tell us what has happened to our dear Dad. Will he live? Could we open his will?"

The doctor said, "No, I don't know that yet. I am still trying to open my damn bag, I lost the key."

pain of married man

girls don't take as a mistake just for fun.



A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

“What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.



"Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly.

“Yes I do" she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"



"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he howed the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today!"

Doctor

9To address an emergency call a doctor came to see a rich patient at his home, who was screaming with extreme stomach pain and was surrounded by many anxious relatives. Doctor kicked all the relatives out of the room, closed the door with patient and he inside.

After a while he came out and asked, "Please give me a scissors." People gave him a stainless steel scissors. He again went inside, closed door and came back soon. He said, "Please give me a hammer." He got one. He repeated the routine of going inside, closing door and then coming back again for a new tool a few times.

He came outside one more time and asked, "Please give me a screw driver." With every of his requests for surgical tools the tension amongst the relatives was mounting high. The oldest son could not hold himself, broke down and lost his patience.

In a crying voice he pleaded, "Doctor please tell us what has happened to our dear Dad. Will he live? Could we open his will?"

The doctor said, "No, I don't know that yet. I am still trying to open my damn bag, I lost the key."

HR Dept Fun

money is really hard to earn